


to all the boys i've loved before

by jcj475258



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before Fusion, Fluff, High School, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25061911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jcj475258/pseuds/jcj475258
Summary: Kim Seungmin likes to pretend that he's an apathetic robot who's never had a crush, never dated, never kissed... One of those is blatantly wrong. In truth, he's a softie who daydreams of a fairy tale romance.Whenever he's had a crush, a small one, a big one, a fleeting one, he writes them a letter. It's a way to let go of his hopeless feelings, for he knows none of them will ever like him back.Until all his letters comes to light, and one of them is addressed to his brother's boyfriend...Also sort of inspired by this fic I read a while ago.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Woojin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 173





	1. Chapter 1

Lavender fronds sway gently. There’s a smell of salt in the air, and the distant crashing of waves. He stands among the plants, and he walks forward, looking up at him…

“Yah! Kim Seungmin! Stop daydreaming!”

He startles out of his reverie.

He lets out a screech of protest. He starts viciously attacking his younger brother, digging his hands into his sides viciously. When Jeongin pleads for mercy, he returns to his original position, cuddling his fluffy pillow and staring out of the window, but the magic is lost. 

“Leave me aloneeeeeeeeeee,” He whines.

Jeongin, stretched out on his bed, sighs. “Don’t you want something more than just…daydreams? You need to get out there, get some action! Seriously, what kind of old grandpa spends Friday nights at home, talking to his brother?” 

He stubbornly sets his jaw. “I don’t want to date, Innie. Leave me be!”

That’s a lie. He does want to date. It’s just… all the crushes are the handsome, kind, caring type, the ones that tie in to his fantasies. The ones that are way out of his league.  
Seungmin is a face in the background. He’s shy, quiet, antisocial and awkward. And, as Jeongin said, he’s boring.  
Felix, his best friend, has tried to drag him out of the house multiple times to one of those parties the Australian has charmed his way into., but he refuses. Going out to parties, confessing his crushes, dating, means he has to venture out of his comfort zone, and he’s never been brave enough to do anymore than dream.

That’s why whenever he's had a crush, a small one, a big one, a fleeting one, he writes them a letter. . It's a way to let go of his hopeless feelings, for he knows none of them will ever like him back. 

…

The weekend goes by at the speed of a Japanese bullet train, and before he knows it, he’s grabbing his pale blue bag and hopping into Wonpil’s car. Wonpil , his older brother, usually gives him rides, because they go to the same school. The downside is that he has to get up at the ass-crack of dawn because Wonpil is one of those abominations known as morning people.

Wonpil’s popular for his pretty vocals and cute relationships with his boyfriend, Dowoon. He’s kind and caring and has lots of friends. He’s brought honour to the school at international singing competitions. Seungmin has no hope of filling his shoes.

The JYP school of the arts is pretty nice. Their “leader in entertainment” motto is proof of their prestigious history. They offer programmes and plans in dance, rap, producing, and vocals, which he takes, following in the footsteps of his brother. To sweeten the deal, they get a basically confirmed acceptance to the university affiliated with it. Even though the principal and his executives suck, the opportunities given make up for it.  
“Have a nice day at school!” Wonpil hums, sounding insufferably cheerful as he drops Seungmin off at the school gates before driving off to park his car. 

As soon as he steps out of the car, someone runs up and loops their hand around his shoulder. It’s Felix-- the clingy sweet sunshine. Yet another popular student. Seungmin, to this day, has no idea how Felix chose him out of the other twenty or so elementary students to share his chocolate milk with. But they’ve never looked back since.

“You should have come to the party! Jisung got dead drunk and started to write drunk texts to everyone and it was so funny!” Felix says brightly. As always, his deep voice is a shocking contrast to his face. 

Ah. That explains the “Our friendship is two rubber duckies floating in the tumultuous waves of the sea” text he received at 1am. At least it had perfect spelling.

Jisung is Felix’s second best friend, and therefore by extension Seungmin’s second best friend. When he gets drunk, he gets ultra sappy.

“You know I don’t, Lix,” They’ve had this conversation far too many times. 

They stop in front of the vocal classroom.

“See you at lunch!” Felix says with a blinding smile. 

He gives him a small wave.

…

He’s walking down the hallway to the cafeteria when he hears footsteps behind him. Someone taps his shoulder. 

“Hwang Hyunjin?” He says incredulously.

Hyunnin is the prince of the school. Tall, handsome and talented, the dance major’s locker is perpetually filled with notes and gifts and flowers. He is one of Lix’s friends as well, which is how Seungmin knows him. They’ve exchanged a few awkward greetings, but nothing beyond that. 

Until he sees the thick, sky blue letter he’s gripping in his hands, with his loopy scrawl all over it. 

His mind goes blank. No, no no. This cannot be happening. He has that feeling, the one he gets when he’s falling towards the ground, and he knows that he will slam against the hard ground and there’s nothing he can do about it. It’s that feeling when life slaps you so hard in the face that you think it must be a dream.

The letters. The four carefully penned, sealed letters. The ones with his stupid little feelings that he can never express out loud. 

He does the only thing he can do at that moment. He runs. 

He runs down the stairs, into the cafeteria, and barrels straight into Felix. 

“Huh?” Felix asks as Seungmin buries his face into Felix’s knitted sweater with a muffled “save me”. He pats Seungmin’s back, confused. “What happened?”

Before Seungmin can even begin to explain the craziness that is his life now, he’s pulled sharply away. 

“Seungmin,” Wonpil says, voice sharp and cold as chips of ice. His warm gaze has frozen over. 

…

Seungmin sent four letters. 

One to Hwang Hyunjin. The handsome prince of the school. The boy who has the thickest pinkest lips, and fluid, beautiful dance moves.

Another stupid, small one to Felix. A fleeting crush. His best friend. The boy who's always been there for him.

Another to Choi Yeonjun. A boy from his summer camp. The boy who taught Seungmin how to canoe, very patiently, for the better part of an hour.

The last to Yoon Dowoon. A big, big mistake. His brother’s boyfriend. His latest crush.

....

Seungmin gulps. Dowoon, behind Wonpil, has the tip of his orange letter peeking out of his pocket. He's gazing at Seungmin with an indescribable emotion swirling in his eyes and has one hand on Wonpil’s shoulder. Holding him back, he realises, as he sees Wonpil’s fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles have turned white.

“Don’t be delusional, Kim Seungmin,” He snarls, “Maybe try for someone in your league. Not your own brother’s boyfriend who’s been in a three-year relationship. You-” He exhales angrily. Seungmin can see it’s taking every shred of older brother responsibility in him to not lash out at him. His usual calm demeanour has turned a 180.

“You’ve always been weird and awkward, but this is taking it a bit too far! Always daydreaming, always spacing out. Never interacting with more than a few people.”

“Did you send more letters, Seungmin-ah? Did you really believe any one of them would ever date you, would ever care about you?”

Seungmin squeezes his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry, but salty, hot tears still leak out anyway. Each word Wonpil spits out seems to reach and stab deep into his heart. 

Felix, the sweet boy, dabs at his tears with the end of his sweater. “Stop it. What’s happening? What did Seungmin do?” 

Dowoon too, says gently, “Enough, Pil-ah. He didn’t do any-”

“It’s not enough! He deserves this! He deserves to feel this! You stay out of it, both of you!”’

His raised voice has attracted quite a crowd of people. They point, whisper, gossip. It feels like walls are closing in on Seungmin, suffocating him. He can’t even speak up. Pathetic. Worthless. Invisible.

Until someone hugs him, letting Seungmin bury his face into his chest. He feels the smooth cotton of a black shirt. He’s tall, taller than Seungmin. In the periphery of his vision, he glimpses a blue letter still grasped in his hand. 

Hyunjin. 

What is he doing here?


	2. Chapter 2

“That’s enough, Wonpil-ssi. It’s a crush. It was a while ago. Is that a crime?” Seungmin can see his hands flailing all over the place as he talks. Classic Hyunjin.

Still. Why is he here? Why is he hugging him? He asks, trying to distract himself from his racing heartbeat and flaming ears.

“Hwang Hyunjin? Do you even know my brother? This is not your fight. Stay out of this.” Wonpil sounds like Seungmin at six, if Hyunjin is the mother telling him Santa Claus is real.

“Who says it isn’t? Seungmin’s my boyfriend.” 

Boyfriend? Boyfriend? BOYFRIEND? In his head, little alarm bells ring and thousands of tiny little Seungmins run around screaming.

If this is some elaborate scheme to get him away from Woojin, he’s glad his face is still shoved against Hyunjin’s shirt because the expression on his face would have given them away. 

The faces of the people around them are similarly shocked. The Hwang Hyunjin, dating The Kim Seungmin? Unheard of. There are girls that are no doubt part of Hyunjin’s ever-growing fan club who gasp and titter and shoot him gazes filled with a vicious venom. 

He can see Wonpil still. The statement is almost as ridiculous as “pigs can fly”. It’s so ridiculous that it makes him speechless for a few precious seconds. 

When he does speak, he snorts.

“You? With my brother? Good joke,” He seethes, “My brother can barely have a social life, let alone maintain a relationship. And with you, no less.” 

Hyunjin tightens his hold on Seungmin’s waist. 

“Don’t say that about Minnie.” 

Minnie? Another part of this ruse, perhaps? What kind of hare-brained plan does Hyunjin have?

“In fact, don’t say anything. Believe what you will, but today, I want to announce it.” 

“I’m dating Kim Seungmin.” 

Hyunjin keeps Seungmin’s face tucked into his side as he strides off after dropping a gigantic bomb. Behind them, the cafeteria bursts into absolute and complete chaos. 

On the way out, he catches Felix’s eye. I’ll text you, Seungmin mouths. Felix’s mouth is almost comically wide. In a normal situation, Seungmin would take this chance to snap a legendary meme.

As of now, he shuts up and follows Hyunjin. They wind down hallways and when they burst out of the building into blinding sunshine, Seungmin realises that they're at the carpark. 

He reaches a black SUV (shockingly fitting) and Seungmin sits down and leans his head against the warm leather of the shotgun seat. 

He shuts his eyes. He can hear Hyunjin sliding into the driver seat. There’s a clean linen hanky that Hyunjin shoves into his hand, and he uses it to fix his blotchy mess of a face. 

“So.” Hyunjin begins, eloquent as always.

“We should talk.”

“I suppose we should.” Seungmin says until he bursts into an uncontrollable fit of half-delirious giggles.

“Seungmin?” Hyunjin sounds concerned. “Everything okay?” 

No, everything is not okay. Nothing is okay. His literal life is crumbling all around him.

“Boyfriend?” He whispers weakly. “Sorry, I missed that part.”

“Look, Seungmin, I’m sorry. Your letter was sweet. I panicked and stuff slipped out. I can take everything back if you-”

“No!” It comes out louder and stronger than he planned. He exhales and runs a hand down his face. Honestly, shit his life. “I can’t… Woojin…” 

He’s incapable of forming any semblance of a complete sentence, but Hyunjin seems to understand. 

“Okay, then let’s date. Or fake date. For a while. Until Wonpil apologises for going too far.”

“Okay.” It’s stupid, crazy, laughable. It’s also the only way he can ever look at his brother square in the eye again. 

It’s the only way out.

“Okay.” 

...

Seungmin calms down with the help of Hyunjin’s handy flask of ultra strong black coffee and Hyunjin himself. 

For a while, they stay there, silent. The silence doesn’t feel awkward. It’s their own little bubble of peace.

“Right. Do you have a paper and a pen?” Seungmin has progressed to the point of rational thinking. He sweeps all his invisible problems under his mental bed.

Hyunjin is confused but he nevertheless digs out a slightly worn notepad.

“Let’s set some ground rules.” 

“One, no skinship.”

“At all?” Comes Hyunjin’s expected screech. “Come on, we have to make it believable!”

“Will allow: holding hands, hugs, and mild amounts of cuddling.” 

“Kisses?” He asks.

Seungmin fixes with him a glare that would make weaker men grovel. 

As it is, Hyunjin raises his hands defensively.

“Cheek ones!” 

Tiny, brief pecks, he adds to the list.

Hyunjin doesn’t look satisfied, but he relents.

“This has to be fair. Pass the paper.” 

Seungmin does. He believes in equal rights.

“Seungmin will accompany Hyunjin to parties.” 

“Hell no.” Seungmin refuses point blank.

Hyunjin pouts, and he looks so cute that Seungmin’s heart falters. Damn.

He snatches back the paper, but he doesn’t cancel the rule. Hyunjin smiles and claps his hands together happily. 

“Three: No one will ever know of this agreement.” 

No protests. He hands the paper back.

“Hyunjin will make Seungmin his wallpaper and vice versa.” He pauses and glances up at Seungmin, checking his reaction. 

“‘Kay.” He says nonchalantly.

They agree on a few more rules (or Seungmin makes ‘unreasonable’ rules and Hyunjin whines and makes ridiculous ones):  
No skinship (will allow: holding hands, hugging, mild amounts of cuddling, and very tiny, brief pecks)  
Seungmin will accompany Hyunjin to parties (assuming he’s free)  
No one will ever know of this agreement (never ever ever)  
Hyunjin will make Seungmin his wallpaper and vice versa  
Hyunjin will give Seungmin rides to school every morning (no early mornings and no facing Woojin— a double win)  
Seungmin will sit with Hyunjin at lunch (“Hey!” “What’s wrong? You only ever sit with Felix and Jisung anyway.” “I’m not going to make them sit at your table.” “Changbin and Minho sit at my table.” “I suddenly love this rule.”)  
Hyunjin will not expect Seungmin to interact much with his friends (“I wouldn’t have anyway.” “Just insurance.”)  
They will have cute couple items (“....Is this necessary?” “Of course!”)

They exchange numbers, take selcas, and change their wallpapers. Seungmin tries to ignore the buzzing of his notifications. 

“I’ll send you home now. I’m sure the teachers will understand.” Hyunjin says, starting up his car with a rumble.

“Wait, one more thing. What’s in it for you?”

Hyunjin pauses. “Huh?” 

“Why are you helping me? What will you get out of this?” 

“You’ve heard that me and Mina broke up.” He says, eyes fixated on the absolutely fascinating steering wheel.

Of course. The beautiful ballet dancer and the handsome contemporary dancer? A match made in heaven. For a year, until last month. Until Mina started spending a lot of time with another guy and was later revealed to be cheating in a flamboyant hallway spectacle. 

One similarly drama filled breakup later, Hyunjin was single again. It was the talk of the school, and the gossip had only just begun to die down. 

“This,” he says, gesticulating wildly between him and Seungmin, “Is to get her off my back. She’s been hounding me every day. It’s also a way to get myself off the market.”

Seungmin snorts.

“Also, your letter… it was really beautiful. I never knew you felt that way.” 

Seungmin flushes a surely attractive shade of traffic light red and mutters, “It was so many years ago…”

Four years ago, to be precise. Back when he was considering taking the dance class on the side. Back when he started flunking so badly that the teacher made Hyunjin stand beside him and give him extra lessons. Hyunjin had been just as shiny and popular as now. He had been sweet and patient and careful. 

Seungmin dropped the class anyway. 

“I know,” Hyunjin replies, smiling gently now, “ But it really was sweet. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”


	3. Chapter 3

As they pull up on Seungmin’s driveway, Seungmin holds out his hand. Hyunjin places his own warm one on it.

He rolls his eyes. “Not that, silly. The letter.” 

Hyunjin gasps, mock offended, and clasps the letter protectively. “No, it’s mine!” 

“Why do you want it?” 

“It’s cute!” Oh god, Hyunjin has dimples. This is unfair. Utterly, stupidly, unfair.

“Don’t show it to anyone. No one.” Seungmin caves in as he opens the door and hops out.

“Yay! Bye bye, Minnie!” He says with a cute little wave. Unfair.

His mother isn’t home, so he puts on pajamas and lies down on his bed with the blanket pulled up to his chin. Only then does he muster up the courage to check his messages. 

Wonpil-hyung 🐰 

We need to talk.

Dowoon-hyung 🐶

Seungmin-ah

I never knew you felt that way

Woojin went too far

I’m sorry

If you ever need to talk, I’m here

Seungmin’s just… he’s not ready for that conversation. He might never be ready for that conversation. 

98764264

Hey, this is Hyunjin!! 

He sends a quick ‘hi’ back and saves his contact.

Felix 🐥

Seungmin

I don’t know how to say this 

But I got your letter

Shit. Shit shit shit. In all the stupid shit that’s happened, he forgot about Felix. And his stupid, stupid letter.

Seungmin 🐶

Please tell me you flushed it down the toilet without reading it. 

Please. 

Felix 🐥

Sorry

But please know

It doesn’t change anything between us

Seungmin 🐶

It was four years ago

Before you told me you liked Changbin

I swear

Felix 🐥

I know 

Thank you for the letter

Really

You act so indifferent all the time

That sometimes I think you don’t care 

You really do

Thank you 

I love you, Seungminnie

How can someone like Felix even exist without the world exploding in cuteness? He’s honestly a sunshine.

Seungmin 🐶

I always cared

I always will 

You’re the sweetest, Lix

When I get my life together I swear I’ll treat you lunch

Felix 🐥

I’ll hold you to it

On to other pressing matters 

You and HWANG HYUNJIN!!????????  
How’d that happen?

Oh yeah. They need a background story. Seungmin busts out his best bullshit ability and starts typing. Sappy and stupid without being unrealistic. Let’s go. 

First he types out a quick message to Hyunjin, to make sure it makes sense. He coordinates their schedules, straightens out the story.

Seungmin 🐶

Okay I’ll tell

Remember on Thursdays, for a while, I rejected your plans?

Felix 🐥

Yeah

No way you went out on dates??????

Seungmin 🐶

Well, no 

I went to the ice cream shop on the first Thursday

Because I wanted ice cream

I met Hyunjin

I said hi

Felix 🐥

Then then then 

Spill the tea 

Seungmin 🐶

Hyunjin tripped over his own feet

And smeared his face on my precious ice cream

Then I yelled at him and told him that I needed a replacement

But he was broke then 

So I let it go

Felix 🐥

Where’s the juicy stuff 

I want the juice

Seungmin 🐶

Well he somehow got my number

From a friend of a friend 

He asked me if I was free on Thursday

He wanted to return my ice cream

I was

So I said yes

Felix 🐥

Ooh ooh

Seungmin 🐶 

He got me ice cream

Then we talked

Four years ago, remember I was considering taking dance on the side 

I was so bad that the teacher made hyunjin teach me

So yeah

I sort of knew him

We talked and talked

It was pretty nice

Felix 🐥

I ship it!!!!!

Seungmin 🐶

Next Thursday he invited me again

For ice cream

His friends were busy

Later I found out his friends weren’t 

And he just wanted to chat 

Felix 🐥

🥺

Seungmin 🐶

It was nice

Halfway through that

He broke up with Mina

I helped him get over her

And on the fifth Thursday

He confessed

I said yes

Felix 🐥 

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

This is so cute I cantttttttttttt

Seungmin 🐶 

Yep 

That’s the story

….

In reality, Seungmin did go to the ice cream shop (half off on Thursdays), but Hyunjin, apparently, volunteers at a dog shelter every Thursday, unbeknownst to everyone else. It’s perfect.

Seungmin can only wish he had his life together enough to volunteer at shelters. For now, he’s just focused on living. He shuts off his phone and burrows into his blankets, rolling himself up burrito style. Ignoring all his problems by sleeping. Yay. 

Life’s good, thanks for asking.

At some point, he starts slipping in and out of consciousness. He can hear his door click open softly. 

It’s Jeongin, and he strokes his hair out of his eyes gently, and whispers, “Sorry.” He curls up beside Seungmin, like a cat and snuggles up to him.

He can hear his mom come in too, after a while. She sets a glass of water down. Woojin probably told her everything.

God, he can’t even begin to think about how his mom will react.

…

He wakes up to glaring sunlight spilling against his sheets. He takes a long sip of water and stays in bed. It’s 9am. No school for him, thank god. Jeongin is gone for school but he left a post-it on his bedside table :

Hyung, I convinced Mom to let you skip today. She messaged your teachers, don’t worry. Please be happy, hyung. Wonpil-Hyung will come around. Everything will be okay.

The note cheers him up considerably. He scrolls through some memes to kill time and Hyunjin, probably at lunch, texts him. 

Hyunjin

Hey Minnie 

Ru free this afternoon

It’s okay if u aren’t ready to

You know, face the outside world 

Hyunjin has changed Seungmin to Minnie!

Minnie 

Why is this my name 

I’m going to have to face it eventually anyway 

It doesn’t matter

Rock Cafe, 4pm?

Hyunjin

It’s cute >_<

Course! 

Don’t worry 

Nobody touches my Minnie

Ooh ooh! I just got the best idea!

Hyunjin has changed Hyunjin to Jinnie!

Now we match! 

Seungmin would be lying if he said his face didn’t grow warm.

… 

“Over here!” Hyunjin waves excitedly as Seungmin pushes open the door into air-conditioned bliss.

He gets a latte and a slice of cake, then sits down.

Hyunjin’s already sipping an Americano and humming happily.

“Hi, Minnie!”

“Hey. How was school?”

His eyes widen. “So crazy, you have no idea. Mina and the other girls are going bonkers,” he says with a giggle, “ My friends are shocked too. Nice background story, by the way.” 

“How’s Wonpil?” Seungmin regrets the question as Hyunjin’s smile fades.

“He’s reallly angry. I don’t think he believes us. He kept on glaring at me during lunch.”

“Oh.” 

“Let’s not talk about him! Let’s find out more about each other!”

“Huh?”

“Like your favourite colour! Or your star sign! Or your MBTI type!” 

“I’ll go first. My favourite colour is darkish blue, my birthday is 25 March, I’m a Pisces and I like fried chicken!” He says, basically rapping at this point.

They start a conversation that’s not all bad, unlike various awkward ones he’s had to face in the past. Hyunjin’s an only child. When he grows up, he wants to be a choreographer. These little pieces of information take his mind off of all the crap he’s dealing with. 

Hyunjin is nice. A little bit hyper, but that’s okay. Seungmin is more calm and mild, and more than once he has to reach out to prevent Hyunjin from spilling his Americano all over his white shirt.

When the sky is painted in streaks of pink and orange, they decide to leave. 

“You took a bus here, right? C’mon, I’ll give you a ride.” 

“Okay.” 

…

When Seungmin sees Woojin’s car, parked against the driveway, he almost pees his pants. God, what if Chan came over too? He can’t deal with this. 

He’s been grasping the door handle for maybe five minutes, but he just can’t seem to pull it. 

Finally he lets go with an exhale. 

Hyunjin, who’s been watching his very complicated emotional turmoil, grips his hand. Seungmin lets him. His hand is warm and callused from dancing.

“If you don’t want to, you can sleepover at my house. My parents really wouldn’t mind.” 

“It’s just delaying the inevitable,” Seungmin punctuates that sentence with a bitter chuckle, “But I’m still too…” 

He waves his hands. Scared. Nervous. Unprepared.

Hyunjin nods. That’s another thing about Hyunjin: he doesn’t pile false comfort or stupid meaningless reassurances on him. Because he understands.

“I’ll walk you to your door.” 

He gets out of the car and opens Seungmin’s door. Holding out his hand, he waits. 

Seungmin bats his hand away and leaps down. “I’m not some damsel in distress that needs saving from your prince ass, thanks.”

He cackles, high pitched and loud as they walk towards his door. “Prince ass. That’s new.”

For some reason, his maniacal witch laughter bolsters his courage. 

“Bye.” 

“Bye bye!” Hyunjin replies as he waves frantically.

It’s okay. It’s his house. He can do this. 

…


	4. Chapter 4

“I can’t do this.” He mutters as Jeongin pulls him to the dining table for dinner.

“You can! You can! YOU CAN!” Jeongin says in time with his persistent tugs. 

He lets himself be dragged eventually, because stubborn Jeongin is cute and cute Jeongin is not a force to be trifled with.

He’s quite literally bowing his head as he eats his rice, but he can still feel Wonpil’s laser gaze boring to holes in his head. His mother tries to keep up a conversation to fill the void of cold silence (futile). When she’s met with no response three times in a row, she snaps.

Slamming down her chopsticks, she, in her patented angry mom voice, yells, “Both of you, make up! What even happened to create this gap between both of you? I still only got vague hints from Jeongin, so what the hell is wrong?” 

Wonpil slams down his spoon with an equally impressive amount of force. The change from his usual gentle demeanour is startling. “You want to know what happened? Maybe ask the boy who wrote a freaking love letter to his brother’s boyfriend!” 

Seungmin follows the new trend (all the rage with screaming families) and sets down his bowl of soup with a lovely sharp thunk! “Stop it! It was two years ago! It was a crush! You literally shamed me in front of the entire school. Shit you, Kim Wonpil!”

“Both of you shut the hell up! As a legal adult, I am the only one with the right to curse in this household! Using my beautiful rights given by the fact that I literally squeezed you out of my body, both of you are in the wrong! Chan’s not a piece of meat for you to fight over!”

“Wonpil, you’re on a Dowoon ban for two days. Seungmin, you’re going back to school for some basic human interaction. If anyone gives you shit, I will beat them up personally . Both of you, make up by the end of this week, I don’t care how you do it!” 

“MOM!” Come two unwilling, wronged, voices. 

“Shut up and eat your dinner, you ungrateful ingrates! God, why did I ever have kids!”

Amidst all the chaos, Jeongin looks about ready to cry.

…

Seungmin tosses and turns all night, relentless thoughts plaguing his head. He, through some miracle (more accurately Jeongin bouncing on him and pestering him to wake up) stumbles out of the door, hair fluffy and dressed in his most inconspicuous grey hoodie and jeans. Hyunjin’s refreshed (stupid morning people) and waiting for him outside already.

As he gets in, the plastic straw of an iced latte is shoved into his mouth. He sips gratefully. 

Hyunjin has the radio on, and he chatters a mile a minute. Seungmin shuts his eyes and nods at all the appropriate parts.

As they get out of the car, Hyunjin laces his hand with Seungmin’s. 

Seungmin presses his body closer. He can already feel the glares and the gazes, the points and the whispers. Everybody’s looking at them. Literally everyone. 

“What’s your first class?” Hyunjin says, unperturbed.  
“Vocals, and how the hell are you so unbothered.”

“Everyone looked at me like this after me and Mina broke up,” he shrugs, “Give it a week, and it’ll stop.” 

“Oh god, a week. Help.”

Hyunjin stops, right there in the middle of the hallway and turns to face Seungmin. “Three deep breaths, ‘kay?” He waits until he does so, then he grips both of his cheeks and kisses his nose carefully. His lips are thick and soft and up close, his eyes sparkle like diamonds.

“Everything’s going to be alright, I swear.” His warm breath blows softly on Seungmin’s face, which is brick red at the proximity. He can hear the telltale clicking of camera shutters, but they’re mostly drowned out by the sound of his pounding heart, jumping erratically like an overexcited rabbit.

...

A week passes, and he finds that Hyunjin is right. They still stare when they hold hands or hug briefly in the hallway, but it’s more mild interest than anything else. Life has almost, almost

Wonpil and him, following their deadline of one week, exchanged half-assed apologies at precisely 11.57 pm on the day before. The air between them is still frigid. If there’s anything they’re both great at, it’s keeping grudges. He knows Woojin still doesn’t believe him and Hyunjin are dating. He knows he doesn’t believe that “two years ago” stuff.

On a more positive note, sitting with Hyunjin at lunch is also unexpectedly amusing. Not only does he have a front row seat to Felix and Changbin’s red-faced antics and poor attempts at flirting, Jisung now also has an excuse to ogle Minho (who’s one of Hyunjin’s best friends as well as his older cousin and Jisung’s crush of three years) at a much closer range. Minho feigns indifference, but when Jisung briefly looks away,he returns that stupidly sappy gaze.

Hyunjin’s other friends are okay too. Daehwi is a vocalist, just like him, so they hit it off pretty well. Possibly the only one to rival Hyunjin’s height in this school of midgets like Changbin, Sanha is kind and polite. Bomin, so far, is very likely the only other sane one at the table.

Life’s sort of just moved on. Just because Seungmin had (is still having) an existential crisis a week ago, the world still keeps rotating. He’s gotten used to holding hands, hugging, and cheek kisses with Hyunjin (okay, not really but at least he’s trained himself to stop being a blushing cherry). Humans are crazily adaptable.

Anyway, Seungmin’s regained (most of) his sanity, so Hyunjin asks him (read: pleads him to go) to a party on Friday. After minimal amounts of struggling, he agrees. It’s his first party he’s ever been to that’s not Felix’s or Jisung’s birthday. He’s read all about crazy parties where people get drunk and smoke and hook up and do all sorts of wild shit, so needless to say, he’s a little nervous. Hyunjin has very earnestly told him he doesn’t need to drink or anything, he just needs to sort of be there (one of his greatest talents).

Being an absolute loser, he asks Jeongin for fashion advice, which he willingly gives with just a touch of bratty. A couple minutes of ransacking Seungmin’s closet, with a deep sigh, buried knee-deep in rejects, “You are absolutely hopeless. Luckily, you have me.” It seems like some cheesy episode of a reality show. Nice.

In the end, he’s hustled into some combination of white shirt hoodie denim jacket that, though he wouldn’t admit it for the world, looks pretty good. He waits on the porch, and soon enough, Hyunjin promptly pulls up in his SUV. 

“Keep him out for as long as you want! God knows he needs more time out of the house!” Is his mom’s cheerful farewell. 

“I was going to say I would bring you back at twelve, but…” Hyunjin snickers as Seungmin slides into the shotgun seat.

“Oh, shut up.”

…

There’s some generic pop music blaring on the speakers and very flashy trashy decorations. 

“What’s this party for again?”

“Minho-hyung’s birthday.”

Now that he’s closer, he can see a half painted banner proudly proclaiming “HAPPY BIRTH” stuck crookedly on one of the walls.

“Ah.”

“Yep. I think he wanted to have a normal party, but… ah…he always gets a little out of hand.”

That’s an understatement, but the party does, at least, fulfill most of the young adult fiction cliches. There's red cups being passed around, a very makeshift dance floor where Minho’s launching into a perfect dance routine to the manic cheers of the spectators, and a gigantic house filled to the brim with people.

“Just don’t drink anything, don’t talk to anyone that looks weird, and stick with me.” Is Hyunjin’s very sound advice.

“I’m not a child.” He whines, batting his shoulder. 

“You’re my responsibilityyyyyyyyyyy.”He says, steering him through the crowd. “Your mom would probably dropkick me if I let anything happen to you. She’s intimidating.” Seungmin lets out a peal of laughter.

“Lix!” Seungmin waves as he calls out. Felix is talking to a girl from his dance class in a corner of the large room.

“Seungminnie!” Felix squeals happily, breaking away from his conversation. “You’re finally out of the room!”

“Wow, thanks.”

He sees Hyunjin eyeing the dance floor longingly. “Go ahead first.” He shoves him gently.

They’ve been texting frequently, but considerably less than before, so Seungmin tunes out the party to talk to Felix. There’s a little bit of an awkward air after his letter, but as they giggle about what some guy in Felix’s rap class did, it dissipates quickly. He’s grateful. 

Some ropes are too strong to be snapped sometimes.

Felix suddenly elbows Seungmin in the ribs. Hyunjin, who has settled down on a plush couch, with a drink, is being approached gradually by Mina. It starts as her innocently sitting at the other end, until she gets closer and closer gradually.

“Go get your man.” Felix winks greasily.

He pretends to hit him but nevertheless walks towards Hyunjin and flops onto his lap like a good boyfriend. He has to hold up his end of the deal, right?

“Hey, Mina, right?” Smiling sweetly at the girl slowly inching closer, he feels Hyunjin wrap his arms around his waist. 

If looks could kill, there would be people weeping at his grave now.

“Yes, that’s me.” She says, with a poor attempt at a smile that ends up more like a grimace.

“Ah! Hyunjin’s ex-girlfriend! I think he mentioned you once.” He injects his voice with false confusion and places extra emphasis on the ex. He blinks his eyes thrice in quick succession. 

“Hyunjin, why are you...argh!” She screeches, gesturing towards him, “I don’t get it!” With an honestly fantastic flip of her pale blond hair, she flounces off. 

“Thanks,” Hyunjin murmurs, nuzzling his neck. “She’s a little… persistent.”

Seungmin ignores the goosebumps that rise on his skin. “Don’t let her push you around, promise?” Holding out his pinky, he waits.

They link pinkies and press the pads of their thumbs together. 

“Sealed!” He winks cutely. 

…

His first party is really not bad at all. He lets Hyunjin introduce him to his 7768885389 friends and drinks Minho’s entire supply of apple juice. He cuddles with Hyunjin, hamming it up when Mina glares at them-- which she does to an extent that’s almost stalker-like. It’s not only Mina, loads of other fan club members who attended the party are shooting lasers out of their eyes like he’s done them a great wrong. He talks with Felix some more, and through some strong blackmail and egging on from Hyunjin, he convinces him to talk with Changbin.

It’s all in all, a productive night. At eleven thirty, one of Hyunjin’s friends who’s somehow not drunk drops him home (Seungmin’s hopeless at driving). On his front step, Hyunjin pecks his cheek and Seungmin pokes his dimple as a way of saying goodnight. 

Parties are hard, but if Hyunjin’s here with him, maybe he won’t mind as much.

...


	5. Chapter 5

It’s a fairly normal Friday lunch, except when Hyunjin slides into the seat next to him, he’s positively brimming with excitement.

“What’s up with you today?”He says as he bites into an oily slice of pizza, “Anything good happen?”

“MY MOM AGREED TO LET YOU SLEEPOVER! TODAY!” He screams, literally bouncing in his seat like a child. Across the table, Jisung lets out a yell of solidarity. Seungmin’s regretting ever letting the two meet.

“That’s nice,” he answers with another placid bite, “I’ll ask my mother about it later.”

“Aren’t you excited?” Hyunjin squeaks, shaking him back and forth and almost jostling the pizza out of his hand. “We’ll have so much fun and we can-”

Seungmin shoves the remainder of the pizza into Hyunjin’s mouth, taken aback, he temporarily shuts up. 

“Yes, I am.” He dusts off his hands, “Very excited.” 

…

His mother gives a succinct okay in response and a reminder to not do “anything that can’t be done while keeping the door open.” He snorts. 

It's not exactly that she doesn’t care, or is trying to be one of those “cool moms”, it’s just that since his father died and she was forced to take on three jobs to make ends meet, even if they’re stable now, she’s never been the most involved in his life. 

Wonpil’s the one who basically raised him. He cut his hair, bought his clothes, put little shiny coins under his pillow in exchange for his tiny teeth. That thought stabs at him more than he would like to admit. He’s again reminded of how they haven’t interacted at all for a week. 

Oh well. If there’s one thing Seungmin’s amazing at, it's being stubborn (and eating and sleeping). No way is he going to yield, he thinks, vindictively stuffing his fluffy plushie into his overnight bag.

...

“Hello, auntie!” Seungmin says in his best adult voice, as he gives her a boxy grin. Hyunjin’s mom smiles softly, drying her hands on her apron. She has Hyunjin’s puffy, pretty lips and small face. 

“Why don’t you get yourself settled in first? Dinner’s not for a while. Hyunjin!”

Hyunjin bounds down the stairs, clapping his hands like a seal as he sees Seungmin. He grips his sleeve and babbles excitedly about everything and nothing at all, dragging him upstairs. 

“Hey, hey, calm down.” Seungmin giggles as he steps in to his room.

He pauses. “Sorry, is it too much?” 

“No… it’s just. Sometimes I noticed you have to fill the silence. Always. Even when you’re tired or down, you always try to keep up the energy and talk. And I’m saying, you don’t need to.”

There’s a patch of silence.

“Thank you.”

It’s two simple words, but that’s all he needs. The room is silent, and as Seungmin busies himself with unpacking, he’s pleased to find that it’s not awkward at all.

…

“Minho-hyung?” Hyunjin chokes incredulously after five minutes of gaping like a goldfish, “And Jisung?”

To be fair, Hyunjin probably didn’t expect Minho to waltz in for dinner with Jisung gripping his hand.

To be fair, Seungmin’s jaw has been hanging for a while. 

“Oh! Did I forget to mention? Minho’s mom couldn’t make it home on time so she sent him over!” Hyunjin’s mom chirps, bringing a fistful of cutlery to the table.

Seungmin frantically gestures between their linked hands, gaping. He gives up and whips out his phone. Technology fixes every awkward situation ever (well, sometimes).

Apparently, they met at a party of some sort and had a lovely classic cheesy sort of conversation and confession. 

Isn’t that nice? A beautiful high school romance indeed. Mutual long time crushes, a coincidental meeting, and probably a hook-up. And now they’ve entered the overly sweet couple-y point. Seungmin wishes them all the best and thanks his lucky stars for his teasing trash-talking sort of relationship with Hyunjin.

Obviously he informs everyone of importance too. Honestly, what kind of best friend would he be if he didn’t play the role of gossip spreader?

Anyway, they’re cute. And hopefully being in a serious relationship will make Jisung less hyper. Hopefully.

After dinner, in which Seungmin and Minho have a very heated debate over whether ice water or hot water is better and they both agree to become lifelong enemies, they decide to watch a movie.

“Not just any movie. Titanic. Let’s see who will crack first. No crying, no sniffling, nothing. Wimp.” Minho adds as an afterthought. 

Crossing his arms, Seungmin responds. “Oh, try me, asshole. Let’s set some stakes, shall we? If I win, you get to show me your very embarrassing chat history with Jisung. If you win, Hyunjin will do you a favour.” (“Hey!” Hyunjin yells indignantly.)

“Oh, it’s on, Kim Seungmin.”

Jisung gets 30 minutes into the movie before he starts wailing. He’s exceeded Seungmin’s expectations, at least. 

Hyunjin valiantly holds out for 15 minutes longer, then he starts sobbing and placing his head on Seungmin’s lap. ( “For emotional support.”) Seungmin hands him a tissue. 

Minho silently cries undetected for five minutes straight as the movie is about to finish. He’s found out eventually, and his phone is promptly handed over.

“The trick is to watch it so many times you get numb, amateur.” He explains as he scrolls through his messages. 

For the sake of his sanity, he won’t go into detail, but suffice it to say that it was disgusting and Seungmin wanted to delete some memories after.

Later, Minho and Jisung leave and they go to Hyunjin’s room, which sets off another chain of embarrassing events. Seungmin forgot that he packed his pair of cute pompompurin pajamas. Oh god. 

Then he remembers that there’s only one bed and he starts blushing uncontrollably and Hyunjin deciphers the look and frantically flutters around asking if he wants to take his air mattress instead, to which Seungmin says no it’s fine but it’s still intensely awkward as he lies down and pulls the covers up to his chin.

Hyunjin’s clingy nature makes him roll to his side and hug him as though he’s made of glass. “Is this okay?” He whispers. 

It is. We’ve cuddled before. It’s just, it’s a little awkward to do it, you know…” he says almost inaudibly.

Hyunjin hums and they remain in that position, which is admittedly very comfortable and warm. At some point Hyunjin starts humming this song that he’s heard on the radio before and patting his back gently, like he’s an infant. He has a very soothing voice, and that, along with his rhythmic pats, lulls Seungmin to a blissfully dreamless sleep.

…

He wakes up to a faceful of shirt and Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around him and their legs intertwined and how is it possible that Hyunjin’s hair looks perfectly messy and his lips look such a perfect shade of red. But he digresses.

He could get used to waking up like this. He feels comfortable and safe and everything’s perfect, from the golden light streaming through the panes of the window. He buries his face into the crook of Hyunjin’s neck and he’s content.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [27/7/20]Hello everyone who is reading this story, I’m really sorry for not updating in a week or so, but I have really major exams these couple months, so my posting will be sporadic at best. I will update soon, promise and try to update weekly the best I can. Thank you for reading this and for all the kudos!


	6. Chapter 6

“Good night,” Hyunjin smiles endearingly, tucking a lock of Seungmin’s hair behind his ear. It’s been another exhausting episode of make-Seungmin-interact-with-strangers. 

“Night,” Seungmin yawns, about to head in. 

“Wait!” Hyunjin whisper-screams. “Your brother’s watching us. From his window. Like a creep. Glaring.” 

Seungmin's head snaps back so fast he hears a crack. “Fuck.”

“Hey, I’m sure it’s fine. Maybe-” “He doesn’t believe us, oh my god. I’ll never be able to make up with him, it took so long for him just to greet good morning! He’ll never believe us at this rate! We’ll always be angry at each other, and, and-” Seungmin blubbers out before he can control himself. 

“Kiss me.” He grabs Hyunjin’s shoulders frantically. “Seungmin, you’re not thinking this through,” Hyunjin says gently, peeling Seungmin’s arms off of him carefully. “This is your first kiss, I can’t, won’t steal it from you.”

“Please.” Seungmin whines, and he ashamedly feels hot tears spring into his eyes.

“Oh god, please don’t cry. Don’t cry, Minnie.” Hyunjin looks just about ready to cry himself. His nose is scrunched, his head tilted to the side like a puppy and he seems to be… considering. Maybe?

He gets his answer when Hyunjin steadies Seungmin, gripping his shoulders and moving closer. So close that Seungmin could probably count every one of his individual eyelashes. So close his breath hitches a little (maybe more than a little). 

Hyunjin hesitates, then presses both his thumbs to both corners of his lips and closes the remaining distance between them. It’s not a kiss, but anyone looking from the outside would think differently. Hyunjin is still keeping a couple centimeters between his lips and Seungmin’s by kissing his own thumbs instead.

It’s pretty genius.

And even if it’s not a real kiss, Seungmin blushes again and his heart starts jackrabbiting, pounding uncontrollably. And suddenly he’s ultra-focused on every single detail of Hyunjin’s features, like his pretty, boop-able nose, how his long eyelashes sweep onto his cheek as he closes his eyes, and the little mole at the corner of his eye. 

With the round circle of the moon shining behind him, despite the streetlamps whose trashy fluorescent yellow light is almost glaring (but he still unfairly looks good under), Hyunjin looks otherworldly, almost. Seungmin recalls a younger Hyunjin, with sweat soaked, loose hair and red lips that he kept on licking because “my lips are dry, all the time!” This close, Seungmin finds out that Hyunjin has invested in a cherry lip balm to curb his problem and give his lips a bright sheen. 

After what seems like forever, Hyunjin pulls away gently. He studies Seungmin with an unreadable expression in his dark pools of eyes. 

“Thank you.” He whispers softly, because that’s the only thing he can think of to say at that point in time. He is going haywire. His last few brain cells are in serious danger. His heart is beating like he ran up ten flights of stairs (like that one traumatic time when he was late and the lift was broken).

Hyunjin clears his throat and awkwardly smiles, glancing up briefly. “Your brother’s not looking anymore.” 

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.” 

“Okay.” Brain fried. Brain not working.

“Goodnight.”

“Night.”

He waves goodbye again, staying put, looking at his retreating figure.

… 

Yawning, he heads down the hallway. A steaming hot shower and his fluffy bed are waiting for him. 

“Holy shit.” He mutters as he bumps into Wonpil in the snapshot of time where he’s rubbing his eyes. He ducks his head down and is about to dart past when Wonpil, unexpectedly, opens his mouth.

“Do you want to watch a Running Man rerun with me and Dowoon? He’s in the living room.” Wonpil rubs the back of his neck uncertaintly and finishes that last sentence higher, like a question, almost. Huh. That’s new. 

“No thanks, I’m pretty tired.” He says, blinking slowly to process the change in demeanour.

“Sleep well,” Dowoon says, poking his head into the hallway, his fluffy hair hanging around his face. “Maybe next time.” He offers one of his close-lipped grins and retreats back into the room.

Seungmin blinks again. “Good night.” He mumbles, struggling to register what the hell is happening. 

“Night, Min.”

Seungmin never thought he’d be this glad to hear that stupid nickname again.

…

Seungmin piles into the car, accepting the icy coffee with little beads of condensation around it. He’s bouncing a little in his seat, and a pretty, reach-his-eyes smile is etched onto his face. 

“You’re excited today,” Hyunjin giggles, “it’s new.” Seungmin is happy that any awkwardness between them about what happened a couple days ago seems to have dissipated. 

“Wonpil apologised yesterday.” Seungmin smiles. Hyunjin whips his head around. “Really? That’s great.” 

It is. He even bought him mint chocolate chip ice cream to celebrate. They watched Frozen 2. It was like those letters had never even happened. “Eyes on the traffic.” Seungmin nudges his cheek.

“Do you want to come over to my place on Friday, maybe? For a sleepover.”

The car tyres screech against the road as Hyunjin momentarily loses control of his senses and the car lurches slightly, striking the pavement with a dull thunk.

“Don’t get us into an accident, goddamnit!” Seungmin squeals in panic. Hyunjin thankfully is able to react fast enough to manoeuvre the car to a small side road to stop the car there. 

“Oh my god, I’m never getting in this car again!” He exclaims, clutching his chest to still his heartbeat. “How did you even pass the driving test?” He glares at him, accusing. Driving tests are a pretty sore spot after his three failed attempts so he’s bitter. 

“Hey!” He calls, snapping his finger. He gives up and decides to watch the show instead. Hyunjin happy is a handful, Hyunjin overjoyed and shocked is on a whole other plane of existence. 

It starts with high pitch squeaky noises of joy as he turns and shakes Seungmin’s shoulders. Then a very long, drawn out “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” that drowns out the pop blaring from his radio. 

“I take that as a yes?” After Seungmin has stuffed his coffee straw into his mouth (tried and tested method to shut him up), Hyunjin calms down slightly. 

“YEs yes yesssssss yes YES yesszszszsssssssszs.” 

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take this kind of filler chapter :) First update in a long time!
> 
> [7/8/20] :o 1k hits! Ahhhh haven’t updated in the eight days sry :( I have exams next week so a 1 week hiatus? maybe?


	7. Chapter 7

It’s halfway through an episode of Naruto that Seungmin gives up on watching and starts to watch Hyunjin instead. It’s been a sleepy sort of day wherein he doesn’t want to do much, much less keep track of whatever the hell Naruto is doing. Waves of tiredness of life wash over him. Premature grandpa, which is Jeongin’s sweet nickname for him, seems appropriate right about now. 

Not only that, Hyunjin is interesting. He has dimples when he smiles genuinely. Right now he’s smiling a dimpled smile, and that makes him happy.

Is that weird? Maybe. 

Blind as Hyunjin is, it takes him half an episode to notice Seungmin, eyes slightly glazed over, staring at him.

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything. He shuts the laptop with a small click, and lets Seungmin lean on his shoulder. It’s silent, dark, without the illumination of the laptop. The house is sleepy too, it’s way past Jeongin’s bedtime, Wonpil went to Dowoon’s, and his mother is still at work. 

“Tell me about your day,” Seungmin half requests, half demands, slightly muffled by Hyunjin’s fluffy sweater. 

He does. His voice, later into the day, is kind of raspy and soft but oddly soothing nonetheless. Seungmin, honestly, can’t remember feeling so endeared by somebody. It scares him, just a little, this unknown feeling. 

He’s always been far too scared of change. Was that why he always cooped himself up, refused to open up because he was scared? Would he ever stop feeling scared? 

“Yeah, today kinda sucked,” Hyunjin ends his scattered monologue, interrupting his stream of thoughts. He cards his fingers through Seungmin’s hair, loosening out the tangles. “You weren’t paying attention.” He pouts a little, but he sounds more playful than reproachful. 

And again, Seungmin realises how damn close they have become emotionally. That he can pick up these little quirks and changes in Hyunjin’s feelings just by the way his voice sounds. He likes it. He likes him.

“You’re thinking too much again,” Hyunjin murmurs, voice loud in the still night, “Too many thoughts aren’t good for you.” 

He’s right. So Seungmin focuses his fullest attention on the elegant curve of his neck, on the way his hands pat his hair gently, on how his sweater smells like his lavender detergent.

Seungmin realises with a startled pang, how much Hyunjin means to him.

…

It’s his birthday today, which is pretty great because Jeongin has to be nice to him. Oh, and he got him a nice set of wireless headphones with Wonpil but he’s fairly sure he paid 10% total. Dowoon gets him a pot of small cactus because he is, quote unquote, incapable of watering a plant more than once a month. (which is true, but that was downright rude.)

School is nice too, because Felix tackles him into a hug, and excitedly babbles in a broken mixture of Korean and English then shoves a thick-knit sweater that he made himself into his arms. He squeezes him back, hard enough to extract an ‘oof’. The sweater is fluffy and soft and he rewards him with a boxy, bright smile.

Jisung writes him a stupidly long and touching letter that has him sniffling, though he will deny that ever happened, and gives him a cute puppy phone case that he puts on immediately.

Felix and Hyunjin bust out a box of brownies and candles at lunch, and he receives little cute trinkets from all his friends. 

“Present later,” Hyunjin grins, eyes sparkly with excitement.

Seungmin feels like he’s floating. 

In the afternoon, Wonpil picks him and Jeongin up with Hyunjin and Felix and Jisung, and they go to his favourite burger place, then they head home for a purely chaotic sleepover. 

“Hah!” Wonpil screeches as he puts down a double +2. 

“It’s fine,” Dowoon says to the fake groans of sympathy, placing down a +2 with a smirk.

“Nope.” Felix puts down another +2 and turns to pull a face at Jisung. 

With bated breath, everybody watches, not even blinking. 

“Not today, child,” Jisung places double +2’s down again. 

The atmosphere is tense as everyone turns to look expectantly at Hyunjin, who dramatically fake cries and says, “Minnie, light of my life, birthday boy, lovely person all around,” Jisung snorts at that, “I’m so sorry.” He places a +4 down. 

Felix crows gleefully and Jisung whoops. “LET’S GOOO!”

“It’s alright, sweetie,” Seungmin says airily, putting down a +4 of his own. “Now, my lovely brother, Jeonginnie?” 

Someone gasps. This is a better drama than anything the drama club could ever put on. 

“Aww, damnit,” Jeongin makes a move as if to draw, crawling over to the stack of cards, then slaps down a +4.

And the room erupts into utter chaos. 

“+26!” Jeongin yells triumphantly, teasing Wonpil, who lets out a screech of pain at the irony. “YOU’VE DONE IT YOU FUNKY LITTLE BOY, YOU CHILD GENIUS, YOU!” Jisung, turned up to max volume, screams, running around the room with wild abandon. Felix finds an abandoned pile of Monopoly money and throws it into the air, speaking rapid English phrases too quick for Seungmin to decipher. 

Seungmin, giggling, tumbles into Hyunjin, who’s laughing so hard that tears are streaming out. Hyunjin’s ultra-loud laugh somehow rises above the din of the room. 

“Your mistakes come back to bite you!” Seungmin chokes out between chortles.

They take out a chocolate cake with vanilla icing and his favourite puppy emoji on it, which is promptly smeared onto Hyunjin’s face. 

They don’t have their weekly sleepover this year because tomorrow is a school day, so after Jisung and Felix leave, Hyunjin brings him to the front steps. 

“Present time!” He makes jazz hands, with tiny flecks of frosting still on his face despite persistent scrubbing. He produces a white, rectangular box from somewhere in his person. “Open it!” 

Seungmin does and sees an absolutely beautiful camera, and for a minute he’s stunned into silence. It's sleek and there are all sorts of tiny buttons and features that he would love to take hours exploring. He runs it over in his hands, feeling all the tiny bumps beneath his fingers almost reverently.

“It must have been so expensive, did you rob a bank?” he glares accusingly. Hyunjin rocks back on his heels, front teeth peeking through slightly as he smiles. “No darling, lovely, Hyunjin thank you oh so very much for the gift?”

“Seriously though, how did you afford it?” “My cousin works at a camera shop. Pulled in a couple favours, got a staff discount, blah blah.” 

“Thank you,” Seungmin locks eyes with him, injecting every single bit of sincerity he feels in to the words, “Not just for the gift.” He doesn’t add on, but Hyunjin gets it. Hyunjin gets him a lot. It’s comfortable.

“Yeah, Woojin-hyung’s pretty cool now.” Seungmin nods, and they lapse into silence once again. 

“Do you think we should break up soon?” Seungmin doesn’t know where this singular, stupid thought came from, or how it slipped out. Maybe it’s from looking at Hyunjin’s sparkly eyes picking up the stars in the sky, looking down at the camera that only someone who knew him perfectly would think to buy for him, and knowing that he cannot, can never measure up to this beautiful star. 

Hyunjin has put up with him for long enough. He deserves someone like Lix. Shining, sweet, gorgeous, inside and out.  
Hyunjin looks at him incredulously, and opens his mouth, but no words come out. 

Once he starts, everything just starts slipping out. His thoughts spiral and every little insecurity just seems magnified, all at once.  
“I-I mean, I don’t want to hold you back. Not from anything you want.” 

“Someone like me…. doesn’t deserve someone like you.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hyunjin flares up, initial alarm, concern and something else Seungmin can’t decipher gone. 

Seungmin tugs so hard on a lock of his own hair he thinks he actually might pull it out. “We’re just… not meant to be together.” 

Seungmin thinks he can actually hear his own heart splintering. He digs the blade deeper, deeper into his chest. “Wasn’t the only reason we started this to… you know, save me from Wonpil and stuff? We’ve solved that, haven’t we?” He averts his gaze, knowing that if he looks at Hyunjin he might actually break. 

“Was that… was that all I meant to you? Was it all just to recover your own pride?” Hyunjin sputters out incredulously, yet there’s a note of something pleading behind it. 

And Seungmin knows, just knows he could just take it all back. Say he was feeling a little insecure, maybe. Say he’s high on cake and not in his right mind. 

“We, we’re different. We have distinct, separate paths.” He says, because Kim Seungmin is a literal coward and is avoiding the question. Avoiding the plea. Avoiding stepping out of his small comfort zone.

This is for Hyunjin, he thinks, he deserves someone better. Not me. 

Hyunjin waits for any indication that no, Seungmin does not want this. 

There’s a thick, awful silence where Seungmin dutifully keeps his eyes on the small crack in the stone pathway. 

“You know what? Fuck you, honestly.” Hyunjin stands running his hands through his hair, turning away. 

Seungmin ducks away from his hard, heavy gaze. Partly so he can’t see the glimmer of barely unshed tears. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers softly. He doesn’t expect Hyunjin to hear him, but he flinches. “So am I. So fucking sorry for ever thinking we were…” 

He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t need to. Stalking down the pathway, he gets into his car. 

Seungmin watches through a blurry film of tears, until the car is just a blip in the distance. How could this have gone so damn wrong, so damn quickly?

He runs back into the house, slams his door and locks it, then ceaseless tears run down his eyes and onto his pillow. There’s an actual, physical pain in his chest, and he pounds it, using every ounce of his restraint to not run to Hyunjin. 

For Hyunjin, for Hyunjin, for Hyunjin. For Hyunjin he has to do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm...


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooh look, angsty post-breakup Hyunjin chapter.

Hwang Hyunjin is no stranger to messy breakups. He’s no stranger to the tears and the pain, to the suddenly empty feeling that overtakes him. But with Seungmin, it’s heightened almost imperceptibly, maybe because he’s the dumpee instead of the dumper. Maybe because it was so freaking quick. Maybe because he has to constantly remind himself, their relationship was never truly real in the first place. 

Usually he can see it coming. Less skinship, growing apart, him making ridiculous excuses to skip the dates that have lost their flavor, like too-chewed gum. But him and Seungmin were, no, had been (past tense is hard to get used to), fine. He’d found himself increasingly endeared by him. Far more than he ever thought possible. They were fake, they were fake, he reminds himself again, kneading his eyes with his wrists. Seungmin never had any true commitment or obligation to continue dating (fake dating, which is becoming such a mouthful. He hates that goddamn word now, so bad.), so why is he so… 

He doesn't even know how to express it. Maybe a shitty whirlpool of hurt, disappointment, and constant, unjustified questioning of what the hell exactly made Seungmin do that. To be honest, there’d been a small kernel of hope, that maybe, just maybe, when Seungmin didn’t bring up breaking up after making up with Woojin, he was very, gently, subtly, hinting that he wanted to continue this trope. Maybe make it more. 

But maybes are really just maybes after all. 

He sighs, forcing his hands away already from his already swollen, red eyes. There’s a sort of numbness now, the first few hours after are always like that, the small crazy rush, the realization that has yet to sink it that they are really, truly, fake-ly over. 

Because they were fake. They haven’t even existed in the first place. Fake fake fake fake fake fake. Maybe if he repeats it enough it can convince his stupid, backstabbing heart.

Still, Hwang Hyunjin is nothing if not a warrior. After only an entire night and half hour of alternating between crying his eyes out and washing his face, he dabs a copious amount of concealer on his face, wears his fanciest outfit, the red shirt and black jeans with the cute back beret. He looks absolutely fantastic, but he feels like absolute trash. 

He’s an expert at ignoring the whispers. Because Hyunjin is famous for wearing this exact outfit every time he breaks up with somebody, everyone, like literally the entire population of the school, knows what happened. He valiantly ignores the stares, the incessant typing as they all start gossiping. Changbin-hyung and Minho-hyung take one look at him and flank him fiercely, glaring at everyone like his own personal two-man bodyguard unit. 

It doesn’t help that there's a whole-school briefing, so that everyone can look at him. He can’t stop himself from skimming the crowd for Seungmin. He’s in one of his favourite, oversized, hoodies with some kind of puppy cartoon in front, that he’s almost swimming in. His hood is pulled up, and someone, Felix, upon closer look, has snuggled him into his shoulder. Hyunjin knows, knows he’s liked Changbin since forever, but that doesn’t stop a little, stupid prick of jealously from stabbing into his heart. 

He tears his eyes away with some difficulty. “Let’s form a trio with Lix and do a dance?” Minho-hyung is speaking softly, his caring big brother side out in full force. “Huh?” Has he missed that much staring at Seungmin?

He’s expecting some sort of snappy comeback, or at least a small jab at his inattentiveness, but Minho, gently, says, “The end of year concert is soon, they’re selecting a few acts. It’s going to be a pretty big thing this year, I hear.” 

“If you’re not comfy with Lix being a part of it, Yunho might be okay too.”

“Oh. Okay to the dance thing. I’m really fine with Felix, don’t worry.” Hyunjin mumbles stiffly, running a hand down his face. He honestly couldn’t care less right now. His eyes itch and his shirt is suddenly too stuffy and the hall is so packed, and he wants nothing more than to lean on Seungmin’s shoulder. Seungmin would maybe giggle a little, pat his head, and rub his hand up and his arm carefully. He’s just trying to hurt himself more now, isn’t he? 

“How ‘bout you, Bin-hyung?” Hyunjin asks just to distract himself from his dumb thoughts. 

“Um… Jisung and Chan-hyung asked me if I wanted to form a rap trio with them, and I think it'll be pretty nice.” He looks worriedly at Hyunjin, as though asking for his approval at joining. As though he needs it. 

“I’m fine, really. I’m fine.” He repeats again, because they’re looking at him in the same way you would look at an injured puppy. Which in turn gets him thinking about Seungmin. Damn it all. Damn his weak heart. 

After a school day of boredom, tiredness and general dozing off, he goes to the practice room Minho-Hyung texted him, where Minho-hyung and Felix are already stretching. 

“I got a song,” he suggests softly when the heated debate about whether they should do a Michael Jackson or Seventeen song remains to be solved.

It’s one Changbin-hyung gave him as a present, one he wrote lyrics for, called “Wow”. “I don’t know,” Changbin had said, rubbing his nape uncertainly, “It just sounds like yours.” It’s exactly the sort of song he likes, smooth, slightly sensual, but nothing too overboard. It almost precisely captures what that crush on Seungmin, starting way back in junior year, back when they were both, in a way, lost, and Hyunjin had never found someone who understood him so deeply, ever. Who willingly listened, between gulps of water at that old practice room, to all his little worries and bottled-up feelings, and truly, really tried to understand it, offer advice, and help out, if only in the small space of time the break times provided. It's the reason why he so eagerly went to find Seungmin when the letter came, why he walked up to him in that cafeteria and wrapped his arms around him as he cried. Agreed to be his fake boyfriend, then started acting like it was real. Hoping it could be real. Because Kim Seungmin's been the one. He always has been. No passage of time had changed that. 

As they listen to the first few chords, Minho’s perfectly arched brows scrunch up, a sure sign he’s already thinking out choreography. After the first verse, Felix mouths some of the lyrics, and Hyunjin can already imagine how beautifully his deep voice will complement the song. They all exchange looks, and nod. Hyunjin is feeling a scooch more optimistic about life now. Even if his love life has just gone to the gutter, at least his dance will look good. 

They start practicing, almost every day, but Hyunjin doesn't mind. It takes his mind off of… stuff, and in a sweaty, small practice room, the sound of three pairs of feet thumping against the smooth floor in an almost comforting manner, Hyunjin is in the zone. He has that self-satisfied feeling that he gets when he knows he’s done well. 

Maybe because as he dances, he thinks of Seungmin (yes, again), and the most sincerely sweet relationship he had. Sort of like trying to relieve their happy experiences, the feeling he had when he realized, oh sit, he might truly be falling for him.

Before meeting him, he had felt confused, even a little bit of self-pity at his ever-changing, inconsistent love life. What was it about him that made him unable to maintain romantic relationships? With Seungmin it hadn’t felt like that. In fact, even though he denied it to ease the ache, he had been planning, in case his reaction to the gift was good, to ask, maybe, just maybe if they should make this thing of theirs real. And then Seungmin proposed a break-up. A fake one, really. One he shouldn't have reacted as strongly to. 

And now he feels like shit again. Good job, him.

His love life just might be cursed. Or maybe it's just him that's cursed.


	9. Chapter 9

Seungmin’s going to cry or scream next. It all depends. Lix and Jisung stick loyally by his side, but it’s still too much. Far too much. 

At lunch, he mutters some excuse and leaves their table for some relief from the stares and whispers. Also to suppress the undeniable urge to look at Hyunjin. He goes into the closest familiar place he can find, which happens to be a vocal training room that is blissfully empty. Bang some tunes on the old piano, maybe sing a little. 

He has five minutes of peace before he hears shuffling footsteps and hissing in the hallway. “Hey.” He sighs. It’s probably Wonpil-Hyung or Dowoon-Hyung, or both. The dads. 

There’s some muffled sort of protest and scuffling before the door opens and very unexpectedly, Minho-Hyung comes in. “Minho—” He gets out before Minho-Hyung clears the short distance in a few strides and punches Seungmin square in the jaw. He distantly remembers that Minho-Hyung does boxing when the impact makes him slide off of the chair and his hands grip the already forming bruise.

He slides his bum to the plaster wall and leans against it as Minho-Hyung exhales sharply. 

“Sorry. Needed to get that out of my system.” 

“No offence taken.” He grunts out. 

He slides down to the ground beside him and gives him a warm fluffy hug. Seungmin’s so shocked that it takes him a couple of seconds to hug him back. After some awkward back pats, they break apart.

“Can I tell you something?” He asks. Minho-Hyung feels… safe. Maybe the only one who won’t layer on sympathy even if Seungmin knows they care. 

So he tells him everything. At some point he starts crying, and a packet of cat decorated tissue is handed to him. Which in another situation, if he wasn’t ugly crying, would make fun of. He blows his nose loudly. 

At the end of it, Minho-Hyung hugs him again. He’s reacting better than he expected, considering he just punched him. “Was it fake? Everything?” 

“Yes. But to the end, I don’t know, there’s something about him that… but I’m not enough for him. Never will be.” 

At which point Minho-Hyung squeezes his cheeks and tells him, very kindly, that he is fucking enough. 

“So you love him? Really, truly?” Minho-Hyung asks quietly. 

Seungmin nods against his shoulder. “That… complicates things.” 

There you go. His life summary.

Minho-Hyung picks at a hangnail. “Hyunjin’s really sad. I think… maybe, at some point, he started liking you too. Really.” He adds at Seungmin’s disbelieving look. “Stop thinking you’re so undeserving or whatever crap, punk.” Which would be sweeter if he didn’t punctuate it with a sharp tap on Seungmin’s head. 

“I know he’s sad. I wanna fix this, so bad, but I don’t know. How. To even begin. I’m not even sure if he likes me back, hyung.” 

Minho-Hyung snorts, then puts on his little thinking face where his features scrunch up. 

“There’s that performance coming up.” 

“And what? You think I could get in? I’d be competing against seniors, goddamn. Even if I did, what would I do? Pull some apology or confession out halfway through the song?” His snark is coming back. That’s a good sign.

Also, no way his crippling lack of social skills would ever allow him to confess in front of the freaking students, parents, and teachers. 

“That sounds like something you would pull with Jisung.” He snickers as he thinks. 

“Rude punk.” 

“Try, though. You can sing really well, don’t put yourself down like that. You have a fair chance.” He adds as an afterthought.

Minho-Hyung dabs at his bruise gently with a tissue, helps him up, and their oddly comforting conversation is over. 

… 

At home, Seungmin is scrolling through his Spotify playlist, trying to find some inspiration. Jeongin pads in with his slippers. 

“Can we talk?” He looks a little nervous for whatever reason. 

“Yeah, sure.” Wonpil-Hyung comes in too, Seungmin rubs his eyes, dry from many minutes of staring at the screen, confused.

“What’s this? Family counselling time?” 

Jeongin takes a deep breath. “Okay, I may or may not have sent-out-those-letters-don’t-kill-me-please.” He shuts his eyes, waiting for his inevitable doom.

“Five.” 

“Huh?” Jeongin cracks open one eye.

“Four.” 

“Shit!” He runs for his actual life. 

“Too bad, you little shit!” Seungmin doesn’t count down to one (life isn’t that simple) before grabbing the heaviest nearest item, which happens to be his chemistry textbook, and runs with murderous intent, bursting out into the hallway where Jeongin has escaped. 

“Hold up!” Damn Wonpil and his joint gym membership with Dowoon. He traps Seungmin, and forces down his hand with the textbook. Jeongin freezes, sensing a saviour.

He struggles fiercely, but there’s no way his skinny frame could overpower Wonpil’s muscles, so he sort of hangs there limply. “What.” He growls, injecting an appropriate amount of venom into his tone. Jeongin cowers in appropriate fear. 

He’s seeing a bright fucking shade of red right now. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this mad, at, anyone, ever. Of course Jeongin would be the one to take the grand title. 

“Before you kill our brother, maybe think about the benefits of the letter! You got a boyfriend! Like, actually formed a new relationship!” 

Rude but true. That does turn his anger down a notch. Maybe he’ll just severely harm Jeongin now. 

And it also makes him break roughly out of his cage of arms and look down at his bedroom slippers, mind made up. Not exactly ideal, but oh well. Never a time like the present. 

“About that.” When he starts, everything just starts pouring out, from the uneasy start to the rocky end. “So...yeah.” 

He starts scuffing the carpet with his slippers, then looks up in uncertainty. Wonpil’s looking at him like he just told him that his dog had died. 

Wonpil gives him one of his really warm bear hugs that kind of makes the world feel all fuzzy and cuddly. “You could have told me.” 

“No he couldn’t.” Jeongin pipes up. “You would have killed him, you were so angry.” 

“On three.” Wonpil whispers into his ear. 

At one, they break apart and spring towards Jeongin. “You’re dead now, you little shit!” Seungmin crows. 

(Of course, it all ends with them cuddling on the couch in a tangle of limbs. And Seungmin tries to ignore Wonpil’s sleepy advice, “Talk to him. If you like him -yawn- then you should confess. It’s -yawn- better than doing nothing at all.”)

… 

Eventually, he gives up on trying to pick his song, and leaves it entirely up to the fates by clicking the shuffle button on his Spotify playlist. 

It’s “I Would” by Day6. As he listens to the familiar chords and hears the soft lyrics. It’s strangely ironic. 

I’m sorry  
Why was that  
So hard to say back then?

As he had watched Hyunjin’s diminishing figure, he had wanted so badly to call out. To ask him to stay. The words couldn't come out --- they were stuck in his throat. Rather, he forced them down, forced himself to let go. 

Now,  
No matter how much I yell  
You can’t hear me  
Seeing you walk away  
I should’ve caught you then

Hot tears swell up, unbidden and unwanted. He blinks them away hastily. 

One more time, back to that day  
Just one more day, back to that time  
If only I could go back  
If I could go back

This day doesn’t refer to the day he broke up with him. Maybe it’s the day they were both younger, when Seungmin’s confession was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t choke it out. Instead, he buried that piece of his heart into a crisp blue envelope and tucked it at the bottom of the drawer. 

I would hold you  
So you won’t be apart from me  
For even a moment  
I would give you my everything  
I would have

Oh god, he wants to go find Hyunjin now. Run down the concrete kerb, straight towards a pretty, two-story house, and go to the room with the window facing the street.

The tears are back.

I would hold you  
So you won’t be apart from me  
For even a moment  
I would give you my everything

Cuddle him, whisper all his stupid thoughts into the shell of his ear, and know that he was religiously listening, trying so badly to understand. Knowing that he was there for him. 

He stops the song. It’s making him far too emotional and like those sad blond girls in the movies, unable to keep it together. 

Out of the shed tears come something, some new, steel resolve that he has to fix this.

But how?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seungmin sad ://  
> ok side note call me a boomer but I actually just realised you can subscribe to works and people actually subscribed to this work?!???? ily all tysm
> 
> I also know that Wonpil does not fit that scary jealous older brother role at all, and him and Dowoon are the fluffiest little beans ever, but he was the only one I could think of.


	10. Chapter 10

Hyunjin adjusts the black leather choker that Minho-Hyung insisted they all wear. He’s always been far too ticklish for his own good. “Endure it for fashion,” Minho-Hyung smirks as he watches Hyunjin struggle. “Fuck you.” He replies good-naturedly, but really he appreciates the casual banter. It calms his nerves somewhat. 

“We’re up pretty late, so the teacher says we can go watch for a bit!” Felix whoops, coming back from a conversation with a frazzled teacher wielding a clipboard. 

“Yeah, so you can support Binnie.” Minho-Hyung is really getting out of hand and he somehow manages to turn the cute endearment into a tease. Felix flushes comically, but he manages to shoot back, “Your sweet Sung as well, no?” Hyunjin cackles loudly enough to attract weird glances with all the confidence of someone who escaped attack. Secretly he’s as happy. Seungmin’s performing early too. 

The first few performances go by in a blur, and then the MC, a handsome guy called Eunwoo, announces Seungmin’s name and his song “I Would”. Imperceptibly, Hyunjin’s heart starts thrumming.  
Seungmin looks extra adorable. He has on a white undershirt and a sky blue crop top sweater edged in white, pale denim jeans and a fluffy white beret that resembles a puffy cloud parked at a perfect angle on top of his artfully fluffed and mussed blond hair. 

Praise whoever styled him. Hyunjin could cry at the vision of perfection that was blessing his eyes. 

There’s one of those fancy zoomed in cameras that capture the slightly sparkly eyeshadow and light makeup accenting his face. His eyes reflect the gleaming radiance of the stage lights and sparkle gently. Again, he might cry at the sheer prettiness. 

Seungmin takes a few deep breaths, and he looks a little scared and uncertain and in need of a hug. 

Hyunjin volunteers for the hug part.

On a more serious note, his hands look like trembly and nervous as he grips the mike. Hyunjin wants to grasp his little small sweater paws and press a kiss to his cheek. 

He settles for clearing his throat almost obnoxiously loud, drawing the heavy glares of many people and a curious look from Seungmin. He locks his gaze once he feels on him, and gives a tiny nod of the head. 

It’ll be fine. Everything will be alright.

He hopes Seungmin can hear the hidden message behind his gaze. 

Seungmin takes a long, slow breath that echoes in the mike. Then the soft guitar starts and the sound of heaven flows out smoothly, wrapping around the lyrics that Hyunjin belatedly realises might or might not be to him. 

Hyunjin has always loved Seungmin's voice. It makes him think of a rainy day when he’s curled up in bed with warm blankets and a mug of hot chocolate. Comforting and beautiful and overflowing with raw emotion. 

Beautiful is the right word to describe Seungmin. He’s so pretty all the time, even when he’s in a worn hoodie with a scant few hours of sleep. He’s so pretty and he has no idea, and that is one of the world’s greatest injustices. 

It feels like he’s been holding his breath throughout the performance. He longs for it to loop and replay again and again. 

It’s so weird to feel this much about somebody. Hyunjin feels a lot, sure, but not about one specific thing. It still hurts. Maybe it always will, but if Seungmin doesn't feel the same, there’s no way he can or will force him to. 

The MC boy comes on again. It’s Changbin, Chan, and Jisung. Felix keeps his eyes firmly fixed in the stage as the low synth of their track starts. His freckles disappear into the crinkles of his bright smile as he taps along to the addictive beat. It’s absolutely something Hyunjin would love to dance to.

There’s a grunt and a creak as someone settles into the seat beside Hyunjin, and he turns his head to register Jeongin. “Hey!” He says with an adorable wave and impish grin. “Hi?” Hyunjin replies, before an envelope is shoved into his hands. 

“What?” 

“Read it, dumbo.” Jeongin replies rudely, eyes fixed on the performance. “I was paid chocolate for this, appreciate my laborious efforts in delivering it.”

He turns it over slowly. It's a thick, good quality envelope and his name is written in elegant writing on the back. He draws out the letter inside, heart thudding already at the all too familiar handwriting. 

Hyunjin-ah:

I don’t know how to begin this letter. I know I hurt you. I thought I didn’t regret much all my life. I prided myself on remaining constant, comfortable. I’m scared of change.

That’s why I keep on pushing you away. My heart tells me to grab hold of you and never let you go, but something’s stopping me. You’re this beautiful, shining star. You work hard, so hard I’m worried sometimes. I guess I just don’t feel worthy. 

Then again, this isn’t about me. This is about you. Back then, when I wrote you that letter, I never even dreamed that you would have read it. But I’m glad you did. I liked you just because you were sweet and patient and good at dancing. It was a crush. 

But now that I know you, you’re a wild force of chaos, you’re self-conscious and hurting, you overthink every little social interaction, you’re dramatic and dynamic and hilarious, you’re undeniably, proudly, you.  
People are like onions, right? Many layers, blah blah. I’ve seen so many of yours. And I think I want to see more. No, I know I want to see more. 

Even if I’m shy, awkward, and scared about this, I find that I still can’t stop thinking about you. 

I love you. I truly do, and I’m sorry it took so long to find out. It’s absolutely justified to curse me out, be angry or just ignore this confession altogether. But I will still love you regardless, Hwang Hyunjin. 

Assuming Innie delivers the letter on time, I’ll be backstage. 

Kim Seungmin.

He places the letter back in, hands trembling. He makes sure it won’t get crumpled, then bolts out of his chair, running. 

Kim Seungmin. Kim Seungmin. His heart thrums in a joyful rhythm. Kim Seungmin. Kim Seungmin.

… 

Seungmin nods gratefully to the countless words of congratulations, then heads to the small resting room filled with couches and settles himself in a nice spot. 

It’s mostly quiet, filled with previous performers dripping with sweat and gulping down bottles of water. 

The door slams open. “Seungmin?” Hyunjin calls out, looking harried and windblown. His heart kicks into overdrive. Before he can respond, Hyunjin’s gaze lodges on him. In a few quick strides, he crosses the distance between them.

“Seungmin.” He speaks that word like he’s dying of thirst and it’s water. “Seungminnie.” 

Seungmin’s cheeks flush. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey.” 

Unable to restrain himself any longer, Seungmin pulled Hyunjin’s arms around his neck, tilted his head to the right slightly, questioning. Hyunjin used both hands to grip at the side of his face and their lips finally, finally met. 

They were pillowy soft and sweet just like Seungmin had imagined, with a hint of some kind of fruity lip gloss. He stared into Hyunjin’s eyes while their eyelashes brushed together, breath catching in his throat. Their noses bump together slightly, and Seungmin can feel Hyunjin’s lips curl into a small smile. 

Seungmin’s always thought that kissing was overrated. How could simple contact have such an effect on somebody? 

But as one of Hyunjin’s hands snake down to his waist and pull him somehow even closer, deepening the kiss, he thinks he’s understood just about every lovestruck, hormonal teenager he’s ever encountered. 

If kissing was this good, why did people ever stop?

Eventually, they do break apart, partly because everyone is staring at them, and there’s the distinctive sound of a teacher yelling for Hyunjin to get ready. 

“I gotta go.” He says mournfully, like he’s announcing a death. 

“I’ll be watching.” He promises. 

All afternoon, he’s been too preoccupied with the confession that he had somehow failed to notice the sinful outfit Hyunjin was in— a loose black silk shirt, tight leather jeans, and a pretty choker. He’s absolutely gorgeous. He gets even more attractive as he sings softly in that raspy yet soothing voice and dances gracefully and fluidly to the beats of the music. 

Later, they’re in his car when Hyunjin produces a necklace from somewhere in his car. It’s a thin silver chain with a cute cloud charm hanging on it. 

“I know you don’t usually wear jewelry, but you told me once your English name is Sky. I got this a couple weeks ago, for your birthday.” Hyunjin explains as he adjusts the small clasp after draping it over his neck.  
“And I figured, I never properly asked you to be my boyfriend.” 

“Will you be my boyfriend, Seungmin-ah?” 

At which point Seungmin gets so flustered that he goes into default breakdown mode, which means making a “gahhhhhhh” sound. 

Hyunjin’s weirded out expression is very adorable, so he pokes his cheeks.

“‘Course I’ll be your boyfriend, silly.” 

He pulls Hyunjin into a hug, giggling with pure glee. 

Today’s a good day— a day for a new chapter in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I’ve just been so swamped with exams and schoolwork. It’s a little rushed but I hope it doesn’t affect the quality of the writing. After this will be one more chapter, a very fluffy ending. Rest well, stays!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I kinda fell into a writing slump... apologies for being ia for the longest time. This chapter is a tiny little one but I love it nonetheless and I hope that you will too. 
> 
> This chapter is for user prettychiisy, your sweet comments always cheered me up, thank you for being a fantastic reader ☺️
> 
> And that’s the end! If there’s any other mistakes in the fic, feel free to comment so I can edit it :)

“Are you going to help, or are you going to just sit there and look pretty?” Seungmin grouses as he selects a knitted wool sweatshirt out of a pile and stuffs it into the suitcase. 

“You think I’m pretty?” Hyunjin teases as he cups his face in his hands, lying on his stomach on Seungmin’s bed. 

“Everybody thinks you’re pretty, Jinnie.” He flicks Hyunjin gently on the forehead, adjusting the pink fluffy headband that has become askew. “And that was just fishing for compliments, brat. It’s distracting.”

Hyunjin pouts. “Lie down here with me for a while! You don’t leave for your grandparents’ until the next morning. You’re the one neglecting me here! I won’t see you for two week! How will I survive without you?” He cries dramatically, shaking his hands towards the sky. 

“It’s too rushed if I pack tomorrow, Jin,” he says, briskly folding his socks, “And you’ve survived seventeen years without me, I hardly think two weeks will make a difference.”

Hyunjin frowns and goes suspiciously silent. Right when Seungmin passes his bed to get to his closet, he pulls on the floppy, loose sleeves of Seungmin’s oversized sweater and drags him onto the bed eagerly. 

Seungmin should have known these sweater paws would be a liability eventually. Still, he can’t bring himself to be mad at Hyunjin because cuddling with Hyunjin immediately diffuses his anger. 

He mumbles something against Hyunjin’s pretty collarbones. 

“Whaddya say?” Hyunjin smirks, because he obviously heard him loud and clear. 

“I’ll miss you too, Jin.” Seungmin repeats extra loud, pressing the gentlest of kisses to his lips, because if Hyunjin’s going to tease, there’s no way he’s losing. Also maybe he wants to kiss Hyunjin very badly. Maybe. 

Hyunjin has the sweet and expected reaction of flushing brick red. Still, he regains his senses quickly and kisses Seungmin, pressing his fingers to the small of his back, pulling Seungmin towards him. Seungmin kisses back with ferocity. Hyunjin smells like his own lavender detergent and some kind of shampoo with a scent he can’t place. Seungmin bites his lower lip gently, hands reaching of their own accord to cup Hyunjin’s face and the nape of his neck. 

They pull away after awhile. Seungmin pecks the rounded tip of Hyunjin’s nose. 

“You’re distracting, Jinnie. Let me pack.” He unwillingly pulls himself up. 

“Mmkay.” Hyunjin rubs at his eyes. 

…

The bitterly cold winter wind bites relentlessly at Hyunjin’s cheeks, turning then a bright red. Bundled up in his white fluffy coat, Hyunjin looks like an adorable snowman. 

“Train leaves in ten minutes.” Seungmin says glumly, looking at his watch like it’s personally wronged him. 

Hyunjin sighs, a puff of steam appearing in the blustery air. “I,” he pauses, looking like he wants to say a million things but none of them really suffices, exactly like Seungmin feels. In the end, he settles for tucking Seungmin into a warm hug. With their multiple respective layers of clothes, it’s like they’re two marshmallows being squished together. Seungmin likes it, strangely. He presses his face to Hyunjin’s neck, breathing in the vanilla scent, trying desperately to remember the feeling of Hyunjin pressed against him. 

He scoffs at his own dramatics. It was two weeks, it wasn’t like they would never meet again. Then again, the small village his grandparents lived in had no service at all, preventing any sort of communication. You’re an absolute fool for this boy, he chides himself, then he looks at Hyunjin’s tiny, careful smile and he thinks that it doesn’t matter at all. 

A wildly ridiculous thought comes to him. “I’ll write you a letter,” he says, trusting in the Korean Postal Service, 

Hyunjin’s eyes widen a little, and he looks at Seungmin with something so soft and tender that he almost melts. The corners of his mouth curl up. “I’ll write you back.” 

Seungmin wants to preserve this moment, this perfect few minutes. He’s almost tempted to take out his camera and capture it. And then he thinks back to something he heard somewhere: “at some point, there is no need for photographs to capture your memories. at that point, it is enough.” The brutal lens of the camera would not be able to capture Hyunjin’s sparkling eyes, the tiny, unbelievably intricate snowflakes caught in his long eyelashes. A picture could not encapsulate the feeling of Hyunjin being simply there, a warm solid presence that he loves so very much. 

So he opens his eyes wider, trying to take in everything. 

It is enough.


End file.
